Why I Hate Suicide Girls

About once a week, I get someone asking me if I am a "suicide girl". To which I reply a VERY emphatic  HELL NO. Suicide girls is the perfect example of site where I wouldn't take a piss on their server if it was on fire.

I am smart, geeky, pretty heavily tattooed (I mean, not for the tattoo world, but for porn in general) and I get naked on the internet. Is it possible that I am NOT a suicide girl?

Well, yes.

For anyone not aware, suicide girls is a nasty little hipster site dedicated to the idea that "alternative" women are sexy, but that they still shouldn't be able to make a living from it. Because, y'know, getting naked on the internet for money is all kinds of progressive and interesting, but actually being a full-time sex worker is anti-feminist and dirty.

In fact, it is damn near impossible to be a suicide girl and a cam girl, (at least, a successful one) courtesy of various "non-competition" clauses in the suicide girl contracts. The following are taken verbatim from the suicide girls website.

"for two (2) years after the full execution of this Assignment, will not directly or indirectly: (i) sell or otherwise provide Internet, photographic, video, film, audio, text, design, artistic or other creative content to any “SG Competitor”

"With the new contract, we just ask that you do not model for competing sites during your time with SG. If you are currently on another site, we ask that you wait to apply until you are no longer modeling for them.










So essentially, you are allowed to model for suicide girls, you are allowed to model for any other physical publication, but you CANNOT model for any website that may be in competition with suicide girls. Considering that suicide girls is PORN....this means that you may not "model" for any other porn site. Awesome. So that craps out any camsites, brazzers, porn sites, clip sites...really, anywhere that you may get naked. Of course, you CAN get half naked or otherwise for tattoo magazines, alt lifestyle magazines, etc. Because then it is LIFESTYLE (progressive). Not PORN (dirty). Riiiight.

But I can still have my OWN site, right? So, a camgirl could be completely indy, run solely her own website, and still be a suicide girl, right? NO.

We ask that you do not model for any sites that feature tattooed, pierced or otherwise alternative models that have a separate, paid-only members section. If you would choose to model for or have your own site like that during your time with SG, we would simply add you to the archive. It is certainly okay to have your own website, but while you are on SG we ask that you do not have a paid, members only section."

Not only does this fully clarify the previous non-competition clause, and make it really, really clear that you cannot be paid for being naked anywhere else on the internet, but you cannot even have your OWN site.....sorry, you cannot have your own site if you intend to make actual money off of it. You can absolutely have your own site, and show your tits for FREE. But make money from it? Act like a serious professional in the industry and have a members only section of your site? Nah. 

Well, I may not be able to work for anyone else, or have a site of my own to make money from...but I can get money from SG customers, right? I can just make my money there! They have enough traffic!

You may not accept any cash from members. You may not solicit members for money, may not request money or gifts from them, and may not plead for donations of any sort on the site

Or not. 

So, to sum up, you can be a suicide girl as long as you do not do anything else porn related on the internet. For at least two years.

Of course, that could still work. Theoretically, it is possible to make a living off suicide girls alone. The site gleefully tells you that you SG pays someone $500 every 24hours for photoset of the day!! Woo Hoo!!! $500 a DAY! Well, fuck me sideways, that's a good living!

Except, well, you don't make that.

According to the site, there are currently just over 1700 girls on the site. There are 365 days in the year. You do the math. However you seduce your calculator, the chances are that you will make "set of the day" more than a few times a year are pretty fucking slim.

Essentially, suicide girls is about as misogynistic as they come.

A gal should be seen as sexy, even when she is heavily pierced and tattooed.
If said gal is progressive, ironic, anti-establishment and awesome, she should whip her tits out for the masses. For money.
But, y'know, not a LOT of money.
I mean, not the kind of money that would make it a career.
God no.
She is a MODEL. Not a....hooker...or something.
Ew.

To complicate things further, SG is all about the "smart" woman. Except, well, no "smart" woman that I know would work for them. Because to me, being smart means reading a contract, and I can't imagine a thought process that validates the idea of signing away your rights to be naked on the internet for two years for $500. Being smart would mean considering the idea that potential employers don't give an organic rats ass if your photos are "progressive" "fetish" "non-nude" or "ironic"...they will still fire your ass for doing porn. Being smart means realizing that baring your lady bits on the world wide web means that they are out there for all eternity, and your grandson will be able to see your cooch with a little google-fu. A SMART woman would decide that internet porn better be damn well worth it...and the vague chance of $500 every now and then? NOT worth it.

Want to see silly hipster tits who want to buy into a lifestyle for pocket change? Join suicide girls.

Want to see hot, tattooed, pierced, professionals getting fucked senseless? Burning angel.